~AerithHojo

Andrea

Profile

Gallery

Prints

Faves

Journal

Reflections

Mon Apr 14, 2008, 4:15 PM

Mood: Irritated
Listening to: Three Days Grace-Riot
Reading: The Dream Cycle of H.P. Lovecraft
Playing: Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core
Drinking: Mud Slides are my new favorite drink.

I was looking over some of my past journal entries today. I really like to complain about my life. At first I thought it was a bit immature, and I sounded like some emo highschool kid who is just craving attention. But then I realized that writing is one of the only avenues I have to vent. So, maybe it's not all that bad. You all don't have to read any of my entries, and/or care. I just want to put my thoughts out there. It makes me feel like I'm storing them in some safe place so I don't have to carry them around all the time.

So, as some of you may know, I haven't submitted anything on here since last summer. I'll tell you why... I guess I don't really consider myself an artist anymore, to be honest. Sure, I went to school for art, but that doesn't really mean anything. Will I ever get a job in the art field? No... probably not.

After working at FedEx and lifting 1000 boxes an hour for the past 2 months, I realized that I should've thought more about my future before I made the decision to switch to art. There are not a lot of jobs for artists out there. Sure, there are tons of Graphic Design jobs! But as an Illustrator who was not good enough to get into the Design program at Uconn, and knows nothing about website building, those aren't really options for me.

I just got a new job at Foxwoods, which is actually a downgrade from FedEx. Less pay per hour, but less work too. FedEx is awful. Don't ever work there. I'm serious. The job is crap.

And as I was job searching, I realized I will never have a decent paying job. Even with a college degree, unless you have some sort of valuable skill, the real world does not give a crap about you. One thing is for sure, I should've learned HTML and CSS. Because most of the art jobs out there require some sort of previous knowledge/experience in said subject.

So needless to say, I'm seriously regretting my switch from engineering to art in my college days. All you highschool kids out there, I don't mean to make you nervous, you can do anything and be successful if you put your mind to it. All I'm saying was that, I wasn't a very good artist when I switched majors, and I never really made much of an effort to improve myself, so I ended up screwing myself in the long run. I guess my problem was that I always thought I was an awesome artist until I got thrown into art school and saw that everyone else was much more original and had more drive than I did. But I didn't want to admit that people could be better than me, which is probably why I never applied myself. *sigh* So... I guess what I'm saying is, a person should be more careful about falling into that envious, denial cycle otherwise you might end up like me; working at FedEx, and downgrading to a less stressful job. Cheers guys. I hope your futures look much brighter than mine, and sorry if I depressed anyone.

8 Comments

Devious Comments

~~love 0 0~~

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~Stormeyes Apr 21, 2008, 6:35:09 AM

Tell me about it.

Art was what I thought was my passion. I loved cartoons. I loved to draw. It was natural to think that I animation was what I was set to do for my entire life.

... but... after thinking a lot, lately...

What am I drawing? What is it that is enchanting me with the old cartoons I used to watch?

That answer: the animals. The animals are my inspiration.

It turns out, Andrea, that drawing is simply a hobby to vent my creativity. Not something I want to do forever. I want to work with animals. I want to shovel horse shit because if it gets me closer to being with the horse, then so be it. I want to work in a zoo or something.

But I'm far too stupid in math or science to get a zoology degree or a biology degree. I'm really too right brained for any kind of sciency job. Mom says, "Why don't you just do cartoons about animals?" Freelancing animators make SHIT for money. SHIT SHIT SHIT. They have to hold a full-time job elsewhere to pay for their cartoons. I'm not good enough to get into a studio! I'm not good enough for a REAL studio to even spit on me and tell me, "No, you can't come here."

Mom doesn't understand. Mom just sees it as having spent 4 years in an institution paying $100,000 or so and then blindly saying, "Oh, you have to use your degree somehow."

I am in your shoes. I am seeking in life what I really want to do, but don't have the means to go back to school and learn how to do it.

So I have to suffer through my thesis, my other bullshit classes and crank-out some half-assed work JUST so I can walk in May and not have to look back.

College fuckin' sucks. Why? Because society has this way of making me and my parents think that I am pidgeon-holed into my first choice.

Be grateful you were even allowed to change majors and explore a little, even if you didn't like it.

I chose my path and wasn't allowed to deter, and that makes me bitter and utterly resentful towards my parents.

I love you Angie. We'll get through this bullshit called Life together.

--
~Crucify then learn. Sit and watch me burn.~

~AerithHojo Apr 29, 2008, 2:37:22 PM

Yeah, my only hope now is to go up the chain at foxwoods. My bullshit degree won't let me get a real job, so now I have to work 48 hour weeks, 6 days a week, for 6 months, and never have weekends off until I can get a management position or something. I want to have time to sew again and sell some stuff online. I feel like I'd have a lot of fun doing that for a living, but I just don't have the time.

*tmchiba May 7, 2008, 11:25:51 AM

Don't despair. By the way a lot of people are in the exact same position even with more practical degrees. You're right though the key is skills. Now while that can be a negative it can also be a positive. Look at it this way. If the y weren't hiring based on skills, they would just look at the art degree and not consider you, but if you pick up skills you can become competitive no matter what the degree. And your work background will demonstrate you can work hard, so there are opportunities. As for HTML and CSS, it's actually easier to pick up than it seems should you wish to learn it. A book or two and it can be adapted Also, there are some entry level positions out there that will train on the job if you have basic experience.

I know, pretty random comment from someone devwatching you but there is hope. I lived through a lot of what you were describing. Useless degree, lack of options, the usual, there can be light at the end of the tunnel!

--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sailor Moon: [link] [link]
Anime in the Northeast: [link]
Gymnastics: [link]
Volleyball, Other Sports: [link]

~AerithHojo May 12, 2008, 3:14:57 PM

Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate it, and I wish I could take your advice. But unfortunately, I don't have the time or money to continue to pursue this type of career. I have a lot of health problems so I had to go for the first job that was going to offer me a good benefits package, which is why I'm working at Foxwoods right now. I'm working 40+ hours a week, and have no time to go back to school. I barely have time for my hobbies and friends, and yet I'm still living paycheck to paycheck.

I guess the money for school wouldn't be that much of a factor since I could always try to get financial aid, but then I'll just be even deeper in debt. I've got like $28,000 in loans to pay off as it is.

I don't want to add to that.

*tmchiba May 12, 2008, 5:44:53 PM

It can be very rough and I understand that issue. Though when I speak of skills, a lot can be learned outside the classroom, a bit here, a bit there, so yes they're working you very hard, but maybe at some point in the future there'd be a way to build from what you have. Or additionally, Foxwoods may provide you with some skills that just pop up from your employment. A lot of people started out at the ground floor but eventually over time moved into better positions. You may not need to go back to school or anything like that. The good news is you do have a 40+ hour a week a job, a lot of people are struggling to land even that right now, and hopefully over time, opportunities will present themselves.

Loan money..sigh..yeah I got that to look forward to.

I think the key is yes, right now things look bleak, maybe six months, a year from now they may look up. It does happen. It's not just pie in the sky, but I do understand it can seem very sucky right now.

I hope things look up for you.

--
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sailor Moon: [link] [link]
Anime in the Northeast: [link]
Gymnastics: [link]
Volleyball, Other Sports: [link]

~AerithHojo May 13, 2008, 8:14:18 PM

Thanks. I guess you're right and I should just be thankful for what I have now. I just always thought I'd be doing bigger and better things than food service. I honestly thought I'd be on my way to designing videogames by now. I don't think that's going to happen for me, but a good paying job is a good paying job regardless of what I'm doing.

*tmchiba May 14, 2008, 2:14:14 AM

It could happen, but sometimes it takes time. A lot of people go through a several year period of working some random job before they land the career. It happens all the time.